I’m Still Me, Just Better

It is an age old tradition to aspire to make each year better or greater than the year before. When December rolls around, we begin to rewind our lives in our minds eye to see if we can come up with a NEW plan to undo mistakes made or better ourselves in some way going into the new year. Lists are made, gym memberships are joined, bibles are being dug out of hiding places and don’t forget! We always seem to be diligent about removing toxic people from our lives.   How many of us actually keep with our resolutions? Do they seem to fade out by March of the new year or sooner? Are we putting too many demands on ourselves all at once to achieve a better life? I say to each his own. If making bucket lists or FINALLY joining a gym is something you want to do, then do it! If you’ve created a “New Year, New You” list and only have success with one out of forty, than that is an accomplishment in my book.  Fresh starts and new beginnings  allow us to wipe away the old to ...

How do you define cheating in a relationship? Does it involve sex? Would you feel as violated and betrayed if the act of cheating only went as far as kissing? If your spouse or companion’only offense was an emotional attachment to another man or woman; would that be considered cheating? Well here’s my perspective on the situation. No one wants to be betrayed and we want to be able to trust our significant other while we’re not around. The reality is that some people cheat and it used to be that when one half of a partner in a relationship strayed, “sex” was the key component. Actually that attribution hasn’t changed at all, I guess it depends on the individual who is seeking refuge in another whether it be driven by lust or another need.  Let’s talk about that “other need” for a moment. Many “emotional” affairs transpire when the offender becomes vulnerable in a situation where they’re open to stray. If there is no sex involved, it is still cheating to me. You see, the si...

HOW ARE YOU GIVING BACK FOR 2017?  How many times have you been to see your hair stylist/ barber this year? How many packages have your mail person secured with a neighbor when you weren't home, or made sure it didn't get wet or damaged? Did you tip your dog walker regularly or baby sitter? You know where I'm going with these questions don't cha? Well  service people or people in customer service who make your life a little bit easier all year round, we should recognize them with our giving. Our gratitude should be made evident with more than just a "Thank you Sam" or "Great Job Sue!" **thumbs up*** Five years ago I brought this to my husbands attention about tipping our mail lady ,who does a super job by the way, and he readily agreed becauase he knows like I know the extra effort she puts into knowing her residents. To add to his giving, he began to tip his barbers as well. We would buy coffee and donuts for our building mainte...

Kindness isn’t an action. It’s a characteristic. It is predisposed in our nature. It’s who we are when we allow our essence to transcend to action. “The doing” without our own regard for the sake of others and exercise humility can label us as a “kind person”. Kind people are often equated with being “givers”. Giving of your time, energy, headspace is still giving. Several years ago there was a movement called “Random Acts of Kindness” where an individual would do a good deed for someone they did not know, a stranger. This movement opened up a trend all over because everyone wanted to be “the good guy” the person who does good things for people for no reason at all. The trouble with this was, that many people had motives. They wanted that recognition. Those of them who actually embraced the idea of kindness to strangers remained and continued or continues to pay it forward without “said recognition”. Being kind will cost you nothing financially but the pay off is far more rewarding....

When I was a teenager and literally hit thirteen, I couldn’t wait to wear make-up. I wanted to appear older than what I actually was. For me, back then, (way, way, way back) I would only wear eye liner, black of course, and lipstick. My skin was flawless honey! I had my first child at seventeen and my second child fours later. Beautifying myself on a daily basis had not been on my must do list. My regimen was very basic. Ponytail, moisturizer for my face and Vaseline for my lips. BASIC. I would maybe, only maybe, wear lipstick if I went out with friends which wasn’t very often. Needless to say I gave very little regard to my appearance because I felt it wasn’t necessary and my husband didn’t seem to mind. Over time I began to grow curious of what I would look like with my face made up but soon reject the idea and talk myself out of it claiming it took too long to apply, or it would get on clothes or be too heavy for my face. So a few months back my curiosity resurrected and so t...

I was a little black girl with long, thick and course hair. My mother had no idea how to maintain my hair nor how to keep it healthy. Like most mothers in our community she resorted to the “Creamy Crack” which is to say that she chemically relaxed my hair with products designed to straighten the hair of little black girls with unmanageable tresses. I was nine years old when my mother relaxed my hair for the first time. The chemicals took to my hair like a charm because it’s witch craft you know. I digress. My hair was the smoothest it has ever been and the straightening agent elongated my hair and gave me a look of ( Do you have Indian in your family??) and extra attention from various people. I was pretty, as said by many. What was I before? Needless to say this hair regimen became routine and a way of life for me. It also began a road to damaging hair and scalp issues. If one iota of new hair growth peeped through, I knew it was time to set in motion acquiring my “hair fix”,...

2:04 a.m. 8 days until Christmas. Mixed emotions over here. Christmas is my favorite holiday don’t get me wrong, it’s just that along with the joy the spirit of the holiday also includes a host melancholy clouds. The spirit of the this holiday serves as a reminder of loved ones lost. My mom was a huge Christmas enthusiast (especially for her grandchildren). Bells and whistles yada, yada, yada. My sister and I struggled through out the years to keep my mom’s tradition going but have failed miserably. This Christmas will mark seventeen years since our mother’s passing and I can honestly count on one hand how often we would come together to celebrate. Seriously, one hand. In eight days we will attempt to rediscover and reunite with our families without the excuses of having to work on said holiday or going to in-laws houses. We will make every effort to preserve this time of the year and create more memories and reveal past ones to our offspring. There will be no certain standard ju...